Wow!  Where in the hell did last year go?  Of course, they always seem to fly nowadays...as a child, I used to listen to my grandmother talk about how fast time went by, and I thought she was nuts.  It was an eternity until school would be out for glorious summer, ages until Christmas, eons until birthdays!

 

Now I know just exactly what she meant.  (Although, she still may have been a little nuts in other ways...)

 

It has come to my attention that I've seriously neglected my blog in the last year.  Let's just say I was a bit distracted.  To recap the last year, it's been a mixture of blessings and setbacks.  For example:

 

Blessing: I started seeing a new man, a very good man.

Setback: Recently, I've come to realize he might not be so good after all.  That coin is still in the air, spinning. 

 

Blessing: I was approved for Social Security disability, which was huge, since I can't work a regular job anymore.

Setback: The IRS came in almost immediately and garnished part of it for back taxes owed on that white elephant of a business I had.  At least they're getting paid something, though. And, the disability still doesn't provide me with medical coverage.  But at least it's something.

 

Biggest blessing of all:  Someone you all know and love from his blog, which is probably how you found mine, has provided unfailing support for me since I've known him.  For those of you who don't know, this would be Pete from the blog "Late Life Crisis".  He has even gotten me involoved with Loop Consulting, which provides me with much-needed work and a bit of extra income.  I honestly do not know what I would do or where I would be without him and his wonderful wife Penny to keep me going.  And I mean that.  He's my friend, my mentor, my surrogate Grandpa, and quite an inspiration.

Setback:  ABSOLUTELY NONE!!

 

And now I'm going to digress a little;  it seems that my most current setback--haven't seen the blessing in this one yet--is a kidney problem.  (Hey, my chronic disease just LOVES kidneys.)  I go to see a doctor that I can't afford tomorrow to get the low-down on all this.  In the meantime, all good thoughts and prayers will be appreciated.

 

So, even though I don't make New Year's resolutions, I do hope to get back to my blog entries.  Pete, along with a few others, keeps telling me that I'm a writer.  So I'm going to try to do what writers do....which is write.  Even if I'm the only one who sees it, I'm getting the feeling I have some stories to tell.  Perhaps I can learn something as well.

 

Bye for now--

Kat

 

 

 

 

 

 

9/16/2006 10:17 PM

A rather erratic posting… 

ON THE EVILS OF SMOKING: 

I will admit it.  I’m addicted to cigarettes.  As far as I’m concerned, I might as well be addicted to heroin.  For the last four days, I’ve been so sick with bronchitis I could hardly breathe, so I thought that this would be the perfect time to quit.  My family, my friends and my boyfriend have all been begging me for so long to try.  So I got the little prescription inhalers, and I did okay until tonight.  And then for some reason, I broke. 

 I’m not going to make excuses; an addiction is an addiction, and the only reason I can’t beat this one is because I’m weak.  My mind wants me to stop; I know what it’s doing to me, especially considering the lupus and all the other health problems I have.  But my body will not seem to let me.  I will confess, the nights get long; the boyfriend is off on a trip to Alaska until the end of the month, and we aren’t getting along that great right now anyway.  So I guess I’m kind of lonely and my smokes have always kept me company.  No pets anymore, remember?   (Yeah, yeah, poor me).  I tried my best to find constructive things to do today, so that I would be exhausted and maybe not think about it.  It didn’t work.  I lasted four days, FOUR DAYS, and then gave in. It seems as if perhaps I might not have picked the best time to take this on either; my life has been a bit of a train wreck of late.  But I always thought, hey, there’s no time like the present.   If not now, when?

 I have beaten stronger, harder things than this, believe me.  I have stared things in the face that would make most people cut and run, and I beat them.  But I cannot seem to conquer this, and quite frankly, it infuriates me.  I suppose the only thing left to do is take one day at a time (what a cliché) and try again tomorrow.   

I do not want to be a junkie for the rest of my life.  Because that is how I see myself, nothing more than a common street junkie.  (And believe me, I do have some compassion for addicts; I always think, “There but for the grace of God, goes I….”)

 Well, at least I put it out there.  I admitted I’m weak, and that I have a problem.  I’m not sure what that means, but I hope it means something.

Maybe my next post will be more cheerful.  God, I hope so.  I’ll talk about all the good things that have happened since I’ve been gone.  I’m just struggling right now.  Thanks for listening.

 

Kat

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, all you English Literature majors, teachers, and otherwise erudite and educated people....I need your help.  I have a favorite poem, but I can't find the author.  It is as follows:

 

"I slept and dreamed that life was beauty,

I awoke and found that life was duty."

 

This may not even be the whole poem, but this is the only line I've ever heard.  In an old movie, no less.  But I like it, and I don't know how to search for the author.  So, a bit of help if you please.  I just know at least one of you out there has a degree in Literature that they're dying to use...

 

Thank you in advance, and I'll be back later.  I'm working on what Kathryn M. calls a "shitty rough draft" that I may post once I finish it....I  know you'll all be waiting with baited breath!  (laughing...)

 

I'm trying to get around and visit everyone, but my desktop is still fried, so I'm still working on the laptop that was apparently built in someone's garage....it's really old, and it freezes up a lot.  But I miss you all!

 

Have a lovely autumn day,

Kat

 

 

 

 

 

Hello everyone,

    Hope all my pals in Blogdom are doing well today!  I want to come around visiting, but can't seem to get it shaking for the past few days.  I tried coffee--and the more I drink, the more tired I get!  Immune to caffeine now, perhaps?  The pain is about the same, but the fatigue is really holding me back.  Can't hold a thought in my head for more than two seconds, it seems.  Which, the way my brain works, is probably a good thing....har de har har!  Having lots of experience with the "hereafter"...y'know, when you walk into a room and go, "what was I here after??!"

Well, some of you can hear the music and some of you can't, from what I gather.  Oh, well, I tried!  Went to the doctor Tuesday, so he could check a couple things.  I have an outbreak of shingles on the very top of my head!  I've had them before, always in the same spot, but I never went to the doctor...they just happened to be acting up when I went, so I showed him.  I figured that's what it was.  Not too bad, though.  If you have to have shingles, I recommend having them on the crown of your head....no clothing there to aggravate them.  Nothing a cup of tea with honey ( and a half-shot of brandy) won't cure!

 

Enough about me...how are all of you out there in Blogdom?  Oh, before I forget...we've all got to pray for Scott (his link is on my "site seeing" list under "Support our troops")....last post I got from him, he told me they're in Baghdad now.  Not where I had hoped he would end up, but I figured as much from what little he was allowed to tell me.  It seemed as if they might be moving that way, and they did.  Of course, while you're at it, pray for all our boys and girls over there.  I don't usually talk politics; I tend to show my ignorance when I do...but I will say this: while I believed in the war,(and still do), it's time to wrap it up and get our people home.  And whatever happened to searching for Osama bin Laden?  Does anybody even remember him?  I'm not as up on my current events as I should be...self-involved brat, that's me.  But let's pray for all of them...American, Iraqi, Christian, Muslim....pray that we can reach a resolution soon so that the killing can stop.  So, like Forrest Gump, that's all I have to say about that.

 

Ok, I think that's all for now.  going to try and visit a bit before bedtime.  Blessings to all!

 

Kat

Ok, I think it's finally working....I have music!!  couldn't get it to work, and then presto, all of a sudden, it did.  Go figure.  Left the Media Player visible for those of you who don't share my taste in music; you can turn it off if you wish.  Not feeling quite so stupid now!

 

 

Kat